I came back.
I was once again able to experience the life I said goodbye too, the life I was sure that I had lost. I got to hug the people I thought that I had hugged for the last time, I got to laugh with the friends I thought I might never see again.
Before, I believed that the visit would give me some kind of closure. That it would help me let go of my Kentucky-life, heal the wounds that had been stinging since the day I left. I would come back partly to prove that it wasn't just something I said to make the goodbyes easier - that I was telling the truth - but also to let go. What I wasn't prepared for was the enormous wave of love that hit me like a tsunami.
And now after, I realized that it was not Kentucky as a place that became my second home, it was the magnificent people who surrounded me. All the amazing friendships I managed to create during that one year changed my life, and they were still there. They were not something I needed to let go of; I needed to remind myself of that they were real. To have those people around me again for two weeks was indescribable. I feel like my heart is about to explode with love at the same time as it hurts not knowing when I will see them next time. Again, we have the unknowing goodbyes and again, the insecure future. Having friendships all around the world is utterly amazing but also incredibly difficult.
But I did not only reconnect with the people around me, I also found the person I became during that year, the hope and inspiration I received. I can not tell why Kentucky makes it easier for me to believe in my dreams but it is something with the experience I had there that makes me aim higher and dream greater. Therefor, I will no longer try to get over and put my american life behind me. I will instead work hard to keep the relationships I made, even if missing them hurts. I will not give up on coming back, because I want to be that hopeful person and if Kentucky helps me with that it is worth every penny. My life in Kentucky is something no one will either understand or be able to take away from me, and that is something I will cherish forever.